(Jack Noke) Me vs… oh, nothing

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For me to ask myself, or to answer the question ‘what do I want from music’? Is maybe already complicating the situation too much and being unfair to ‘Music’. Sometimes I think I want a reputation, to be known throughout the world as someone who can bring something fresher than you could have possibly imagined, to the table.

The problem I have with this and why it comes and goes, is because maybe it’s just coming from a place of insecurity. In retrospect, I’m after a label, it’s as bad as chasing money! It’s for the right reasons – I care about being good but then again, I am just separating myself from the music by doing this. Looking back, it is only ever a distraction. Maybe if I wasn’t so concerned with someone’s touch being 10 times that of mine (pianistically) but instead, completely infatuated by the fact, it would have a far greater impact on me. If I actually stopped to appreciate these things instead of fear them. After all, we work hard to have ‘strengths’.

I think this question is one of the most important if not the most important because it helps deal with the why we do this. I think we all know that we don’t know, you dig? Like, many other things excite us, we say we are going to try something new for a bit, we decide we aren’t good enough but when someone asks you what you’re about, the answer has been the same for the last 20 years and it always will be the damn same going forward – Music!. I took a break from jazz, for over 3 years. I literally played like 3 gigs and worked as a trader in the city but you know who I was known as in the office? The Musician. What did they say to me when they let me resign early – ‘go do what your meant to do’. It was obvious even to them! So, I truly understand now the cliché of ‘its in my DNA’. Even when I hate it, the first thing I do every morning is consider when I’m going to play next.

So, when I consider that I’m often confused about where I’m going in music I realise it’s a paradox. I’ll let ‘achievements’ and ‘successes’ happen by accident from now on. I’ll set only one goal – to bring joy to myself when I play before others because I trust my own judgement. I think that’s where Monk is one of the greatest examples. It’s fair to say that I think quite often, he wasn’t concerned about these things. I’m sure quite often he didn’t know what was even going on BUT his line straight through from the creative mind to his expression was completely unspoilt and the result, as can be seen on stage – childlike joy! That’s what I search for now…. Childlike joy.

Note: Please bare in mind this is just what I have realised about my relationship with music. It’s what is important to me.

Thanks,

Jack Noke