(Josh Bergson) be amazing NOW

“They’re not crazy, they’re strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick” – Dave Chappelle I have been dealing with anxiety and depression my whole life. I didn’t know it when I was younger but I do now and that’s okay. The main thing I hate about it is that it took away my hunger to learn and improve. From the moment I was surrounded by other musos, I thought I needed to be amazing NOW so I can get loads of work and immediately be respected by all them. To be fair, I did have the respect of a lot of musicians, at least the ones I know, but I was too blind to see that over the idea that some of them didn’t like me. My mental health problems also led me down a path of jealousy when I saw others do well. Instead of being interested in their skill set, I would be miserable and simply wish I was them…not LIKE them, THEM! When I look back at that time, I see how other musos improved so well and stayed focused on their practice. They didn’t have an idea they were already good and should be highly commended; they knew their weaknesses and strengths and carried on so they can be the best they possibly can in that moment.

The destructive thoughts I had about myself and the world wouldn’t let me believe I was any good and even though I had people around me telling me ‘your amazing’ or ‘I wouldn’t use anyone but you’, I found it very hard to believe them. I couldn’t trust my fellow musos and thought I had no friends. I didn’t want to tell anyone how I was feeling. I was Josh, the fun guy who can play bass relatively well and told horrible jokes! ‘Positivity is key’ is what they say. If you’re going to bring the mood down then go home. How wrong was I? If I trusted more people and was more honest about how I felt, I would have had amazing relationships with outstanding people.

Being honest is something I’m not afraid of anymore and neither should you. Think of who your best mate is, give them a call and ask how they are. These conversations need to be had! I’ve looked down the barrel of suicide enough times to know we don’t need to get to that point. Believe me, people care and they are willing to help you! I’m currently taking time off to improve my mental well-being. I’m receiving Universal Credit: I have a psychiatrist, I’m taking three types of medication and I’m seeing a psychotherapist on a weekly basis. Maybe one day I will return to the industry but right now there are more important things I need to tackle. The thing I miss most is jamming with my regulars (they know who they are) but they’re not getting rid of me that quickly! I know now music can wait and having a fresh start might be the very thing I needed to be the best possible musician I can be.

Josh Bergson – Bass Player (London)